Cooper is absolutely perfect just the way he is! I love his twinkly smile and his blankets and his blond hair!! You are an amazing mom and please, please don’t let anyone shame you. You’re doing great Kate! Thanks for your inspiration!
I can relate so strongly to this. Not because of weight--my son couldn’t gain weight if he tried-- but because he has the Pathological Demand Avoidance type of autism. He’s 20 now, and while it still pops its ugly head up now and then, he mostly keeps his oppositionality under control. Because he has a job. And those two things don’t go together. (Although I did have to teach him certain things that I knew he wouldn’t intuitively understand, like “If your boss asks, ‘Do you want to come learn how to do X?’, he’s not really asking.”
Back to the point...all the years of mouths hanging open at the way I “let” him talk to me, or the way I “let” him act. All the judgy eyes thinking, “Give him to me for two weeks, and I’ll fix him!” And me thinking, “Do you really think I’d live like this if I had a choice? Do you think this is fun for me?”
NOBODY understood that my son’s sole purpose in life when he was young was to prove to the universe that, “You’re not the boss of me!” And not one person understood that there are few things more terrifying than having a child who doesn’t give a flip about rewards or consequences.
We’re in a good place now. Don’t get me wrong; he’s still autistic. But he has enough self control to “pass” enough to hold down a job.
So I feel you. When people don’t understand that you love your child to pieces and are doing the best you can. And the ignorance of believing that your choices don’t come with some degree of give-and-take.
If it makes you feel any better, once our son was too big to brush his teeth by force, there was nothing on earth that could make him. So last time we went to the dentist, he needed a crown and 15 fillings. We told him he had to pay half. And now he’s become quite diligent about oral hygiene. 😊
Cooper is amazing and so are you. Think of all the lives you both have changed with the information you are sharing and the light he is being in people's lives. I am so sorry you have to listen through those unkind things being said. You love your children with your whole heart and soul, and you are doing the right things.
I follow along because I’ve come to adore Copper as well as the rest of your beautiful family. Cooper reminds me in many ways of my son Aidan who is also 12 ASD, anxiety, SPD,and many other “friends “ that came along with his diagnosis. Like Copper he gain some weight mostly during the pandemic when all his activities were shut down and now is being tested for thyroid issues because no matter what we can’t get him to lose a pound! I had only recently commented on one of your stories ( I know you probably get tons and tons of them and don’t see all of them) but I think Copper has been looking great ! It looks like he’s lost some weight and taken off inches !! I had asked what you were doing with him because I noticed a change and I’m willing to try anything but those shots everyone seems to be doing.
Don’t let those mean comments dull your shine !! Copper is a great kid and his smile melts my heart ! And I personally think he’s looking great ! Some people forget the old saying if you can’t say something nice don’t say anything at all !!
Kate, wow. You spoke to this in a way oh so relatable. I so badly want to post that on my sons forehead these days. My own MIL the other day said to me when looking at my son, "geez, he's really filling out these days isn't he..." - just a sad world we live in. I want to keep my babies in a bubble away from every mean comment that will ever be said. Thank you for sharing this to bring light to a conversation so many of us wish we could have.
My son has gained at least 50 lbs. since he began using Depakote sprinkles for his seizures over 9 years ago. I've had these same types of comments. It came after we shared a reel of my son cooking in the kitchen. Recently, we began weening him off of Depakote, and have started experimenting with something else. Do they know the work he has put in? Do they know the struggle? Do they know the tears I have cried? No. No, they do not. It has taken me a long time to share our story and to try to encourage otheres. Am I strong enough for the naysayers? Sometimes. Sometimes, I can slay the dragons. Sometimes, the dragons just have to be dragons. Finding the balance in our journey, where we can be the warrior on all fronts, is a challenge. I love my roundy, adult son. He is doing great things and I have gotten to love him through the chaos of his day in the world. If no one knows his greatness but me today, that is enough, because he is smiling once again, after being out in the storm.
Thank you Kate! My kiddo also gained weight on her anxiety meds and the amount of comments we get is unbelievable! Please don't stop doing what you do so well! Your story has changed my life and I have given copies of your book to my entire family. Thank you for sharing and being vulnerable and resilient! I hope to join you in MN next May!
You are so strong-do not let the negative people get you. I have read your book. I loved it. You help others understand. I have had opened eyes because of you and my third grandson. He was non verbal for a long time , he is now speaking-sometimes unclearly. He rides the short bus to school. He laughs and is a gifted young man.
Each person is a new gift. You are a gift to all. Thank you.
I Love to watch your family and especially love to watch Cooper.Sometimes I think the person or person saying hateful, evil things to you, about you, and about Cooper will never understand. He is such a precious little boy. He has the cutest smile and you can see the joy in his face. That comes from loving parents.People will never give you all the credit you deserve e because its easier to say hateful things to you and about you. I know it's so hard to see hateful things written about your child, but when your other children hug and kiss him and show so much affection for him and you see him return it you know you've done a wonderful job being his mother. Those people are miserable and will stay that way, they don't see joy in anything. Medications cause weight gain sometimes. But he's an active little boy and he's a healthy, and happy little boy. Ignore the negative and enjoy all the positive. If it gets to be too much delete the negative. Cooper and all your children are happy. There are always people who are going to say bad things to people who have physical or mental or anything they see wrong with another person they feel like they just have to say bad things to or about them. That is the way our world works, they think they are better than someone they see different. I've learned I have to ignore those persons and try not to let things hurt me. I have Charcot Marie Tooth Disease, it's heredity and due to not being able to walk or stand for long periods of time I've gained weight and there's nothing I can do about it now that I've gotten older and I have a crushed vertebrae in my lower back. People are constantly saying hateful stuff to me about my weight and some of them know the reason. I just have to walk off to keep from losing my cool. I know you are so frustrated and it add to yours and your husband's stress. I was so upset about the teacher and you all having to change his school. Face it some people are ignorant and I think some are fearful about what they don't understand. Kate I hope you get to read this one and in someway it helps you. Keep doing what you're doing.
How could anyone say that of Cooper!!!! Momma you don't have to answer to anyone!!!!! And Cooper is doing wonderful! I too, am so proud of him! He reminds me of my granson!!
Oh we can relate so much! Our son's life also changed with medication three years ago, but he picked up almost 20kg. I feel so sorry for him, having to drag this big body aeound all the time. It does not help that he ONLY eats white starch, but before the medication he was a normal, skinny seven year old boy. Despite the type of food he choose, he does not eat enough calories to account for the weight he gained. We are starting to try and change his diet, but at this point it is just supplements - which already has an effect! We had his blood tested when he was in for an operation last year, at least he is still healthy! We just try and keep our kids moving and feeling loved and all will be well.
Your Cooper is beautiful, inside and out. I think that every time I see him on Facebook and your blog. Your love for him has absolutely nothing to do with his appearance. I just discovered you and your family a couple of weeks ago and have been so inspired by your honesty and how I can relate to so much of what you say. So you are making a huge difference in the world! Thank you!
Cooper is absolutely perfect just the way he is! I love his twinkly smile and his blankets and his blond hair!! You are an amazing mom and please, please don’t let anyone shame you. You’re doing great Kate! Thanks for your inspiration!
I can relate so strongly to this. Not because of weight--my son couldn’t gain weight if he tried-- but because he has the Pathological Demand Avoidance type of autism. He’s 20 now, and while it still pops its ugly head up now and then, he mostly keeps his oppositionality under control. Because he has a job. And those two things don’t go together. (Although I did have to teach him certain things that I knew he wouldn’t intuitively understand, like “If your boss asks, ‘Do you want to come learn how to do X?’, he’s not really asking.”
Back to the point...all the years of mouths hanging open at the way I “let” him talk to me, or the way I “let” him act. All the judgy eyes thinking, “Give him to me for two weeks, and I’ll fix him!” And me thinking, “Do you really think I’d live like this if I had a choice? Do you think this is fun for me?”
NOBODY understood that my son’s sole purpose in life when he was young was to prove to the universe that, “You’re not the boss of me!” And not one person understood that there are few things more terrifying than having a child who doesn’t give a flip about rewards or consequences.
We’re in a good place now. Don’t get me wrong; he’s still autistic. But he has enough self control to “pass” enough to hold down a job.
So I feel you. When people don’t understand that you love your child to pieces and are doing the best you can. And the ignorance of believing that your choices don’t come with some degree of give-and-take.
If it makes you feel any better, once our son was too big to brush his teeth by force, there was nothing on earth that could make him. So last time we went to the dentist, he needed a crown and 15 fillings. We told him he had to pay half. And now he’s become quite diligent about oral hygiene. 😊
Cooper is amazing and so are you. Think of all the lives you both have changed with the information you are sharing and the light he is being in people's lives. I am so sorry you have to listen through those unkind things being said. You love your children with your whole heart and soul, and you are doing the right things.
I follow along because I’ve come to adore Copper as well as the rest of your beautiful family. Cooper reminds me in many ways of my son Aidan who is also 12 ASD, anxiety, SPD,and many other “friends “ that came along with his diagnosis. Like Copper he gain some weight mostly during the pandemic when all his activities were shut down and now is being tested for thyroid issues because no matter what we can’t get him to lose a pound! I had only recently commented on one of your stories ( I know you probably get tons and tons of them and don’t see all of them) but I think Copper has been looking great ! It looks like he’s lost some weight and taken off inches !! I had asked what you were doing with him because I noticed a change and I’m willing to try anything but those shots everyone seems to be doing.
Don’t let those mean comments dull your shine !! Copper is a great kid and his smile melts my heart ! And I personally think he’s looking great ! Some people forget the old saying if you can’t say something nice don’t say anything at all !!
Mean people stink !
Bullies --- get in your corners . . . . Cooper is doing amazing in his development . . . you are not the parent, nor the expert . . . .
Kate, wow. You spoke to this in a way oh so relatable. I so badly want to post that on my sons forehead these days. My own MIL the other day said to me when looking at my son, "geez, he's really filling out these days isn't he..." - just a sad world we live in. I want to keep my babies in a bubble away from every mean comment that will ever be said. Thank you for sharing this to bring light to a conversation so many of us wish we could have.
My son has gained at least 50 lbs. since he began using Depakote sprinkles for his seizures over 9 years ago. I've had these same types of comments. It came after we shared a reel of my son cooking in the kitchen. Recently, we began weening him off of Depakote, and have started experimenting with something else. Do they know the work he has put in? Do they know the struggle? Do they know the tears I have cried? No. No, they do not. It has taken me a long time to share our story and to try to encourage otheres. Am I strong enough for the naysayers? Sometimes. Sometimes, I can slay the dragons. Sometimes, the dragons just have to be dragons. Finding the balance in our journey, where we can be the warrior on all fronts, is a challenge. I love my roundy, adult son. He is doing great things and I have gotten to love him through the chaos of his day in the world. If no one knows his greatness but me today, that is enough, because he is smiling once again, after being out in the storm.
Thank you Kate! My kiddo also gained weight on her anxiety meds and the amount of comments we get is unbelievable! Please don't stop doing what you do so well! Your story has changed my life and I have given copies of your book to my entire family. Thank you for sharing and being vulnerable and resilient! I hope to join you in MN next May!
Kate you are raising great kids. Don’t let the negativity get you down . Love you sll
You are so strong-do not let the negative people get you. I have read your book. I loved it. You help others understand. I have had opened eyes because of you and my third grandson. He was non verbal for a long time , he is now speaking-sometimes unclearly. He rides the short bus to school. He laughs and is a gifted young man.
Each person is a new gift. You are a gift to all. Thank you.
I've said it before but I COULDN'T LOVE COOPER MORE!!!!!!!!!!!
He makes my grandma heart flutter....a good flutter!!!
I Love to watch your family and especially love to watch Cooper.Sometimes I think the person or person saying hateful, evil things to you, about you, and about Cooper will never understand. He is such a precious little boy. He has the cutest smile and you can see the joy in his face. That comes from loving parents.People will never give you all the credit you deserve e because its easier to say hateful things to you and about you. I know it's so hard to see hateful things written about your child, but when your other children hug and kiss him and show so much affection for him and you see him return it you know you've done a wonderful job being his mother. Those people are miserable and will stay that way, they don't see joy in anything. Medications cause weight gain sometimes. But he's an active little boy and he's a healthy, and happy little boy. Ignore the negative and enjoy all the positive. If it gets to be too much delete the negative. Cooper and all your children are happy. There are always people who are going to say bad things to people who have physical or mental or anything they see wrong with another person they feel like they just have to say bad things to or about them. That is the way our world works, they think they are better than someone they see different. I've learned I have to ignore those persons and try not to let things hurt me. I have Charcot Marie Tooth Disease, it's heredity and due to not being able to walk or stand for long periods of time I've gained weight and there's nothing I can do about it now that I've gotten older and I have a crushed vertebrae in my lower back. People are constantly saying hateful stuff to me about my weight and some of them know the reason. I just have to walk off to keep from losing my cool. I know you are so frustrated and it add to yours and your husband's stress. I was so upset about the teacher and you all having to change his school. Face it some people are ignorant and I think some are fearful about what they don't understand. Kate I hope you get to read this one and in someway it helps you. Keep doing what you're doing.
Just keep on keeping on, Mommy! You're doing amazing things - and so is he!
How could anyone say that of Cooper!!!! Momma you don't have to answer to anyone!!!!! And Cooper is doing wonderful! I too, am so proud of him! He reminds me of my granson!!
Oh we can relate so much! Our son's life also changed with medication three years ago, but he picked up almost 20kg. I feel so sorry for him, having to drag this big body aeound all the time. It does not help that he ONLY eats white starch, but before the medication he was a normal, skinny seven year old boy. Despite the type of food he choose, he does not eat enough calories to account for the weight he gained. We are starting to try and change his diet, but at this point it is just supplements - which already has an effect! We had his blood tested when he was in for an operation last year, at least he is still healthy! We just try and keep our kids moving and feeling loved and all will be well.
Your Cooper is beautiful, inside and out. I think that every time I see him on Facebook and your blog. Your love for him has absolutely nothing to do with his appearance. I just discovered you and your family a couple of weeks ago and have been so inspired by your honesty and how I can relate to so much of what you say. So you are making a huge difference in the world! Thank you!