I hear ya, I feel ya.. You do carry the load especially mental load. You and me and so many amazing, strong, intelligent , multi tasking mamas!!!
It's not easy, it not fair so to say, it down right exhausting !!
You are appreciated even though I'm sure it doesn't feel like it at times but where would your kids be in this life, their lives if it wasn't for all you love and work..
My mom had five kids and also took in a sixth, a cousin who needed a good safe place .. and yes she worked
outside the home also in my father and her busines..full time !! Whew!!
we all loved her but as kids we just thought that's what moms do but as adult I think we all realized how actually amazing she was and we are forever grateful!! I can not even figure out how she actually had the energy to do it all to this day... its hard!!!!! .. i always say motherhood to me is the hardest but best job ever..BTW. my father was in the home made a good living in THEIR business but she like most women truly carried the load !!! Hang in there ..
Your kids adore you they just don't know how to tell you yet ..they appreciate you ... ps. I sure wish you did had more help on a regular basis around you .you need it .You Have A BIG LOAD TO HAUL!!! ...we all need some help from time to time ❤❤
In my case, I don’t make the money or provide the food on our table or roof over our heads. Therefore, my mental load is tenfold. I do it all. Everything else. All appointments. All the schedules. All the cleaning and laundry and picking up after the whirlwinds that’s don’t seem to realize they’re contributing to my mental load. Sure I get “appreciated” with thank you’d and such. But really, I’d just like them to pick up after themselves, or rather, just not dump they’re load on the surfaces and walk away.
Just think if we didn’t carry the load 🤪life would fall apart. It is hard when our littles look to us for the majority of everything, because we do the majority of everything! It’s a hard weight to carry, but we do it because those littles deserve it ❤️even though sometimes it breaks us.
And expected to be the caretaker of the household CAN break us.
Only when my mom got terminally ill did my father learn and grow and show that he too could step up… thankfully, he proved to be heroic taking on caretaking task, but I do wonder if he’d been so hardworking in the home earlier in the marriage how much healthier my mom would have been?
And we hired a semimonthly housekeeper who helped him and mom with so many things.
Stress is cumulative and can be a killer if we’re constantly dealing with “learned helplessness “ that our “partners “ expect us to do the majority of the chores—including the mental load of what needs doing.
It’s maddening.
Sigh. And pandemic made everything even harder. Lots of relationships did not survive once men were home 24/7 but still expecting mom to manage everything, including Kids’ remote learning.
Omg. I hate never being alone in my house.
( No wonder retired men drive their wives crazy. Even 2 people is too many rats in one cage if one is not pulling his weight either because he doesn’t know how or refuses to. Pandemic turned us all into caretakers … and the many traumas of that are still affecting us all. )
I wish I could mow the lawn and rake the leaves because that’s what I call “checking out” by still doing something. Do I still think about the laundry that needs to be switched and what to cook for dinner while I’m doing it? Sometimes but other times I put in an audio book and check out of my world. Kate, you are so appreciated, even though it is not always expressed to you. Your family and everyone that you are speaking to on every platform appreciates you and you sharing all of this with us. You know your worth and try not to let anyone bring you down. Love you!
I love raking leaves and mowing the lawn. It’s been a sore point for decades the my husband insists on hiring a service —taking away one of the few chores I actually ENJOY— while NEVER cleaning toilets or handling our kid’s schedule, managing his autism services, tidying house, or doing doctor appointments (apart from his own), managing insurance EOBs, decluttering. etc etc etc
I’m mad all over again as I type these words.
But I rake the leaves anyway, listening to audio books or podcasts as I do. It’s my escape. I try to beat the lawn service to them.
So many men raised in sexist ways where their mothers did nearly all the home chores have no idea why their marriages fall apart in age where women have careers too or SAHM “hours” are expected to be 24/7.
it’s the inequity and why married men are happier than married women even once kids are grown women continue to do more than their fair share. So the reasearch says. I have a couple of friends who have husbands who pull their weight.
But they are the outliers…and it’s not like their wives just sit back and let them carry the full mental load, but the division of family labor is far more equitable.
I hear ya, I feel ya.. You do carry the load especially mental load. You and me and so many amazing, strong, intelligent , multi tasking mamas!!!
It's not easy, it not fair so to say, it down right exhausting !!
You are appreciated even though I'm sure it doesn't feel like it at times but where would your kids be in this life, their lives if it wasn't for all you love and work..
My mom had five kids and also took in a sixth, a cousin who needed a good safe place .. and yes she worked
outside the home also in my father and her busines..full time !! Whew!!
we all loved her but as kids we just thought that's what moms do but as adult I think we all realized how actually amazing she was and we are forever grateful!! I can not even figure out how she actually had the energy to do it all to this day... its hard!!!!! .. i always say motherhood to me is the hardest but best job ever..BTW. my father was in the home made a good living in THEIR business but she like most women truly carried the load !!! Hang in there ..
Your kids adore you they just don't know how to tell you yet ..they appreciate you ... ps. I sure wish you did had more help on a regular basis around you .you need it .You Have A BIG LOAD TO HAUL!!! ...we all need some help from time to time ❤❤
In my case, I don’t make the money or provide the food on our table or roof over our heads. Therefore, my mental load is tenfold. I do it all. Everything else. All appointments. All the schedules. All the cleaning and laundry and picking up after the whirlwinds that’s don’t seem to realize they’re contributing to my mental load. Sure I get “appreciated” with thank you’d and such. But really, I’d just like them to pick up after themselves, or rather, just not dump they’re load on the surfaces and walk away.
Just think if we didn’t carry the load 🤪life would fall apart. It is hard when our littles look to us for the majority of everything, because we do the majority of everything! It’s a hard weight to carry, but we do it because those littles deserve it ❤️even though sometimes it breaks us.
And expected to be the caretaker of the household CAN break us.
Only when my mom got terminally ill did my father learn and grow and show that he too could step up… thankfully, he proved to be heroic taking on caretaking task, but I do wonder if he’d been so hardworking in the home earlier in the marriage how much healthier my mom would have been?
And we hired a semimonthly housekeeper who helped him and mom with so many things.
Stress is cumulative and can be a killer if we’re constantly dealing with “learned helplessness “ that our “partners “ expect us to do the majority of the chores—including the mental load of what needs doing.
It’s maddening.
Sigh. And pandemic made everything even harder. Lots of relationships did not survive once men were home 24/7 but still expecting mom to manage everything, including Kids’ remote learning.
Omg. I hate never being alone in my house.
( No wonder retired men drive their wives crazy. Even 2 people is too many rats in one cage if one is not pulling his weight either because he doesn’t know how or refuses to. Pandemic turned us all into caretakers … and the many traumas of that are still affecting us all. )
I wish I could mow the lawn and rake the leaves because that’s what I call “checking out” by still doing something. Do I still think about the laundry that needs to be switched and what to cook for dinner while I’m doing it? Sometimes but other times I put in an audio book and check out of my world. Kate, you are so appreciated, even though it is not always expressed to you. Your family and everyone that you are speaking to on every platform appreciates you and you sharing all of this with us. You know your worth and try not to let anyone bring you down. Love you!
I love raking leaves and mowing the lawn. It’s been a sore point for decades the my husband insists on hiring a service —taking away one of the few chores I actually ENJOY— while NEVER cleaning toilets or handling our kid’s schedule, managing his autism services, tidying house, or doing doctor appointments (apart from his own), managing insurance EOBs, decluttering. etc etc etc
I’m mad all over again as I type these words.
But I rake the leaves anyway, listening to audio books or podcasts as I do. It’s my escape. I try to beat the lawn service to them.
So many men raised in sexist ways where their mothers did nearly all the home chores have no idea why their marriages fall apart in age where women have careers too or SAHM “hours” are expected to be 24/7.
it’s the inequity and why married men are happier than married women even once kids are grown women continue to do more than their fair share. So the reasearch says. I have a couple of friends who have husbands who pull their weight.
But they are the outliers…and it’s not like their wives just sit back and let them carry the full mental load, but the division of family labor is far more equitable.
I so understand what you are saying.
Well you know I just love this one! The invisible work is perhaps the most important work. It’s what keeps the house running.
I dont mow our lawn either - prefer to spend my time with my kiddos.