I Don't Mow the Lawn...

But I do carry the mental load and that counts for something

I am the mom to four children who range in age from 1 to 11.

I am a wife.

I own a business.

I co-run a nonprofit.

I am a public speaker.

I wear a lot of hats you could say.

I can say with certainty I am not lazy. In fact, many if not all of my past work reviews would say…self-starter with a strong work initiative and ethic. I know because I happen to have them in a drawer in my desk.

But lately, in much of my life, I feel unappreciated.

I feel like the things I do are not always tangible.

I call it carrying the mental load of the family.

I am a walking, talking, breathing, calendar, to-do list, shopping list, etc.

That’s me.

I order the Halloween costumes and make sure we have pumpkins to carve and candy to hand out.

I take the phone calls with my oldest son’s school daily and am the one who will most likely say…this isn’t working.

I know when my second son’s Spanish test is. We study spelling words every night and I go to the craft store to buy the supplies for his homework projects.

I schedule speech therapy and walk alongside a horse during therapeutic horseback riding.

I know I need 4 separate store-bought snacks for tomorrow so each kid can bring one for the party. I know the Halloween parade for the two littles is at 10:30 and that we get to wear costumes to horseback riding tomorrow night.

I schedule the appointments. I put them on the calendar. I RSVP to the birthday party invites and make sure we have a gift.

I make sure the toilet paper is stocked and that we have creamer for our morning coffee and know when it’s time to order our Christmas cards.

I carry the mental load.

I know all of the dates and phone numbers and who and when and what.

I give hugs and put band-aids on owies and answer all the questions that kids can ask.

And I’ll tell you…as four little kids turn into four bigger kids with lives and schedules and all the emails that accompany their days…things slip.

I can’t always remember everything. I miss some stuff.

My second youngest didn’t have his soccer shirt last Tuesday.

I missed an email about conferences.

And so on.

It’s unbelievable really. The weight of it all.

I guess my point of this email is…

I don’t mow the lawn. Even though I’d love too. I don’t rake the leaves. I don’t do all the things that are seen as important sometimes.

I never bake the cakes for kid’s birthday parties either.

But I still do a lot.

The ones who carry the mental load.

Let’s stop pointing out the things someone does not do and instead look for and acknowledge the things they do.

Now I must go buy the four ‘store-bought’ treats and track down all the pieces to 4 separate costumes for tomorrow.

The life of the parents who graciously carries the mental load.

I’d love if you checked out my website, www.findingcoopersvoice.com and gave me a follow on Facebook at, Finding Cooper’s Voice.

Also, every Tuesday I upload a video right here for paid subscribers. I’d love it if you joined us over there. And founding members get a free copy of my book, Forever Boy, signed by all six of us!

And if not, no biggie. I just want to thank you for being here. For reading and learning and sharing.

Thank you!

Kate