Hello friends!

I talk a lot about goals. Maybe too much.

I talk about goals because for years we didn’t set any. We mostly just reacted to the twists and turns autism threw at my son.

I longed to figure out his mysteries. To make the world make sense for him. To make life easier for him and our family.

Around age 7, I changed my way of thinking. I began thinking of the vital, important things that my son would need to be able to do to live in this confusing world. And the things he wanted to be able to do too.

Like go to Target and buy his favorite color paper. Or fly on an airplane to Alaska to see whales. Or visit the fire station like Dora does in his most favorite episode.

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And I broke down the steps to achieve them.

Sitting. Waiting. Walking. Listening. Being safe. Stopping. Being.

Each step.

Understanding timers and calendars.

Safe car rides.

Walking in parking lots.

Being around people.

Loud noises.

Unkind people.

And so on.

I won’t lie. The lists were long. Overwhelming. For me and him.

But we set goals. Easy ones. Hard ones. Wildly huge ones.

I set them for me. And for him. And for our family. So, we could experience life with him.

See, I don’t have a crystal ball. None of us parents do.

I don’t know what the future holds. There are no guidebooks for us.

My son is my son. He is uniquely himself. One of a kind.

He is smart and challenging and funny and worth it.

I have no idea what the future holds. Not one person can tell me.

So, we just keep doing. We keep trying. We set goals. And we never, ever give up.

We may take breaks. We may readjust and reevaluate, but we keep going.

Yesterday, my son walked though Target for 30 full minutes.

Walking through a store is something I thought would never happen. Just a month ago I was lifting his 100-pound body into a shopping cart while onlookers stared.

Walking. It was just too hard for him. He’d run. He’d lie down. He’d roll. He’d throw. He’d climb. He’d refuse to walk. He’d scream.

It felt impossible.

But HE AND I set a goal of walking through Target. And I refused to give up on him. Because I knew he could do it.

A therapist told me years ago after I told her it was impossible.... she said...

You have to keep going. Even if you last three minutes. Even if you barely make it through the parking lot. Or through the front door. Just. Keep. Going. You have to keep trying because he’s only going to get bigger and older, and it will only get harder if you wait.

Gosh those conversations overwhelmed me. She wasn’t wrong though.

Yesterday, with the help of our lovely PCA, we had success at a new’ish’ store. Cooper walked through the whole store. He looked at the movies and books and decided to shop instead for paper. He did amazing. Better than most kids I know.

Proud mama moment!

Younger parents, please keep going. Even if it’s uncomfortable and hard and you feel like a failure. Just keep setting goals.

Because one day, at 11 years old, or 15 or 25, your child may have success. And it makes it all worth it.

Yellow paper. That is what he picked out.

Thank you for reading Finding Cooper's Voice by Kate Swenson. This post is public so feel free to share it!

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Kate

The Therapist's Message that Changed Me