Something happened the other day. Something huge. But I missed it because life was happening.
I had a toddler fussing at my legs. The stove timer was yelling at me reminding me that the asparagus was done. And Sawyer and I were chatting about Air Pods. Well, he was more so chasing me around talking at me about Air Pods. I guess they are so cool and 14 kids in the neighborhood already have them. He was reminding me that he most certainly is not one of the 14.
And that’s when it happened. During all of that.
My son Cooper said the word car.
Which I guess doesn’t sound all that great. Everyone can say car, right?
Well, my boy is unique. He is 13 and taking his time deciding if he wants to give this whole talking thing a go. He does have a few words. I would say 25 or so. But they come and go, here one day, gone the next. He uses them mostly with his dad and me. I sometimes wonder if that’s because not everyone takes the time to listen to him.
See the words come out slow sometimes and all jumbled together. Hard to make out.
His favorites are mom, dad, cookie, paper, snack, Sawyer, Harbor.
You most likely wouldn’t be able to understand him if he said them to you. And that’s okay. Because he’s trying. He’s trying harder to speak than I’ve ever tried at anything in my life.
But the other day, in the middle of prepping dinner and managing chaos and being reminded how important Air Pods are to life, my son said...
M-O-M, CCC-A-RRR-S.
I didn’t know what he was saying at first. So, he repeated it, while staring at me. And then again. When I still didn’t understand he opened up his iPad and pointed to Lightning McQueen and said Cars and then covered his mouth and gasped.
Cars.
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Again, probably doesn’t seem like all that big of a deal, right? But what if I told you he’s never said a new word unprompted. Not really. That all of his 25 or so words were picked by me and practiced over and over again for countless hours. Every syllable. Moving his mouth. Modeling. Prompting. Until one day, at age 8, it clicked. He agreed to give it a go. This whole talking nonsense.
But this one, this word, cars, he said on his own. I didn’t ask him to say it. I didn’t teach him to say it.
It didn’t hit me until this morning. I was replaying the scene while lying in bed when I realized, he said a word, a word that he wanted to say, on his own. A word that he wanted to tell me.
He did it.
It’s funny. I think of all the tears and worries and fears that I’ve had over the last 9 years. Paralyzing me at times. But the silver lining is I can remember his amazing achievements. All of them. Because they stood out so bright through the hard. Leading us through.
These moments, they get me through.
My boy said cars. Just for me.
I heard a saying the other day. It was…
Hope is Mandatory.
I loved it.
I live on hope.
Hope is mandatory for all of us for different reasons. I can't tell you how happy it makes me that Cooper said a word all on his own!! He's growing, changing. I'm so scared that with this fight with my daughter that Killian who is 14 and autistic will be like out of site, out of mind. They allow him to play his PlayStation to much, I think. He doesn't spend time with the family and I feel I will just go into a box in his mind. That he won't think of me again. It hurts so much!!! I don't have a crystal ball to tell me just to hang on until well when . . . . I miss him and my granddaughter so much but the things they said to me hurt me to greatly, like killed me a little bit inside. I'm so screwed up right now! I listen to you and Carrie and yall make me feel better about things. Please keep doing what you are doing, you are helping people that you have no clue!! You go momma!!💜💜
So precious.