‘Will my brother ever get married mom?’

The questions that gut me.

This past weekend, my middle son Sawyer broke down crying. Which is not typical from him. Honestly, before that moment, I couldn’t tell you the last time I saw him cry.

Sawyer is the popular, smart, funny, athletic, outgoing, kid. He has so many friends. He scores goals and hits home runs.

He helps with his siblings and plays catch with his dad and asks to sleep with me at night.

He’s also growing up. I blinked and he’s ten. The other day he reached for me hand and I had this fleeting thought…please don’t be the last time.

It was Saturday night, maybe Sunday. I can’t remember. Sometimes my days seem to run together.

He was asking me questions. About life. About his brother. About autism.

‘Will Cooper ever get married mom? Will he ever have kids?’

Jamie and I made eye contact with each other and then I gently answered. I explained. I did my best.

I watched my Captain America little boy break down right before my eyes.

I held him while he sobbed. 10 plus minutes his body laid on mine.

I have never heard him cry like that before.