When Did You Know Your Son Was Autistic?

For me, I don't remember a time it wasn't autism.

Yesterday, I visited a local bookstore to do a reading of my book Forever Boy, meet my readers, and sign their books. It’s one of the best parts about writing a book honestly. Meeting the people whom your words have impacted.

There are typically a lot of hugs, definitely tears, and so many stories. People claim that they know me after having read my book, but it feels odd because I don’t know them.

I ready a few of my favorite parts of the book. I spoke of sitting with parents in the dark, pushing for an accurate diagnosis, and how special children are NOT given to special people...instead, special children MAKE special people.

And then the question-and-answer part.

‘When did you know Cooper was autistic?’

People ask me all the time when I realized something was different about my baby. Typically, the questions come from moms of toddlers who have concerns about their own child’s development, and they want to be reassured that their child is fine. That it is not autism. I remind them that every story is unique, no two the same.

Some parents speak of a perfectly developing baby and then the flip of a switch at 12 months, the light seeming to dull. Or their toddler is speaking full sentences only to stop overnight. I’ve had countless videos shared with me…toddlers saying mama and truck and ball, the parents heartbroken over what used to be and is no more. Some parents claim they knew it was autism from day one, while some never saw it coming.

For me, I don’t remember a time it wasn’t autism. I may not have known the definition of the word yet, or the seriousness of the diagnosis, but looking back, I knew that my baby was autistic from the second I held him in my arms when he was just minutes old. Autism was woven through him, completing him, like an intricate quilt, unable to be separated out. Even though over the years to come I would desperately pray for it to be. I would try to determine what parts were my little boy and what parts were autism until I eventually realized they were one in the same.

Removing the diagnosis would mean removing all of him, a realization that would take me years to accept.

I know parents, mostly mothers, but some dads too, who agonize for years over what caused their child’s autism. Was it because they didn’t put their child in daycare and socialize them enough? Or maybe because they didn’t speak to their child enough, a blame I even placed on my own self. Some even blame themselves, questioning everything they did in their pregnancy, or their own genes, their guilt consuming them for years. I don’t know how to lessen your blame moms and dads; I don’t have a magic pill or potion to erase it. But what I do know is that once you shift the blame to hope and happiness for your child, you will see autism differently.

Autism is not something we try to overcome. In our home, we embrace the color it brings into our world. And yes, it’s not always easy.

For example, as I type this newsletter my boy wants a snack. And instead of waiting patiently, he looks for things he can destroy. He sure knows how to get my attention when he takes the broom to the lightbulb hanging on the wall.

I am no saint. I get exhausted and exasperated daily. But my Cooper, he is exactly who he was meant to be. And I will spend my life trying to understand and learn how to be the best mom to him.

Remember, the best way to make it through this life is to find others who understand. For me, that is other parents of children with autism. Come join my supporter group on Facebook and Instagram. It’s called Coop’s Troops and it’s the absolute best place to ask questions, get and give support, meet others who understand, laugh, cry, share, and be seen. I’d love to get to know you! Click HERE to learn more.

Have a great day friends! We are going to hopefully visit a pumpkin patch and enjoy this ‘last’ beautiful 70-degree day in Minnesota before the winter overtakes us.

Just a reminder, visit my website, www.findingcoopersvoice.com, for more stories like this one! You can read more on my blog, inquire about having me as a speaker, and see my upcoming events. I have trips planned all over Minnesota, Nebraska, Pittsburgh, Florida, and more. I’d love to meet you!

And lastly, it’s not too early to start thinking about Christmas gifts! Grab a signed copy of Forever Boy from Valley BookSeller. They are a woman owned, small-independent, amazing bookstore who graciously ships out signed copies of my book!

BUY NOW (Every book comes signed!)