The Parts that Make us Lucky

Special needs parenting changes us entirely. There is no denying that. Because the truth is, the first few years are going to pull you so far away from who you used to be that you won’t even recognize yourself anymore.

You’ll find yourself looking in a mirror, bags under your eyes. It looks and feels like you’ve aged a hundred years. Or maybe you are standing in a crowded room, feeling entirely isolated and alone, and wonder if you are invisible. You’ll wonder how your world can be so different. How you can even relate anymore.

It will challenge everything you know. You will question yourself. Your purpose. Your strength. You will wonder why. And how. Why my child? And not theirs?

It will challenge your marriage. Your health. The way you parent your other children. Even your decision to have more babies. Your career and finances. Relationships. And not just with people. With God, too.

You will experience the greatest love on this earth. And simultaneously wonder how it can be so hard all the time. You'll be shamed for feeling sad, and for grieving the missed experiences that seemingly every other parent gets.

You'll also see the unbelievable beauty that this world can bring, almost like you've been granted access to a special club. One full of forever hugs, hand holding and smiles. You'll celebrate milestones long after you should. And it will be amazing no matter when it happens.

You’ll also see unbelievable cruelty. And it will take your breath away the first time it happens to you. To your child. You think you'll be prepared, that you'll come back with some witty, snappy comment. Only, you probably won't. You will try and shield them from evil, and then spend the next few sleepless nights wondering how you can live forever and change the world at the same time.

At first, you'll feel like it's a race against time. Against their diagnosis. You'll do everything you possibly can. Your hope will be challenged. Then you'll find acceptance and realistic hope. Then you'll want time to stop. You'll want to keep their bodies small. Because the world is kinder to children.

You’ll have days where you swear you can’t do it anymore. Where you are certain it will never get any easier. That it’s going to be this challenging forever. You’ll almost be unable to picture a world where you stand still. Where you don’t have to fight for basic rights, inclusion and for your child’s value to be seen.

And then you will have the most unbelievable moments. A moment that makes everything worthwhile. Your child will crush a goal, a milestone, something they have worked on for years. And you will know it’s going to be okay. Because you believe in this tiny human and know that they are worthy and capable and amazing.

You will immerse yourself and your family into the secret world of disability. You will surround yourself with people who get it. New friends will be made. A new normal, too. You will settle into this new life and the differences won’t scream quite so loudly at you. 

You will live and breathe hope and acceptance and kindness. And you will be sewn together with strength and determination. And you will realize that your child is exactly who they are supposed to be; no mistakes were made. It’s you that was always meant to change. To grow. To bend, not break. 

And then, one day, you will look at your life and all the parts that your child’s disability has touched and realize what a gift you were given. 

Eventually, when you are ready, you will share your story and realize that it can help someone, that you may have the answers to someone else’s questions. You will reach your hand out and find other people walking the same path, and you will show them the way. You will become an advocate and help others. 

Yes, special needs parenting changes everything. It turns you inside out and upside down. But here is the secret that you will learn over time. It also puts you back together again, but this time as the person you were meant to be. 

That's the part that makes us lucky.

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Friends!

My memoir, Forever Boy, is 30% off today on Amazon! This is the paperback version of my book that was just released with bonus chapter. And I will say my most favorite thing I’ve ever written. It’s a snapshot of our family today. All six of us.

This is a great time to grab a copy or two for Mother’s Day gifts or end of year teacher gifts!

Sometimes, life seems to happen so fast that we miss a lot of the progress that is happening. Last night, I had a conversation with my son Cooper who was diagnosed with nonverbal autism at age 3. Today, he is 13 years old. As I processed last night, I almost couldn't believe the progress he has made.

There is so much hope and love and joy here. So often, nonverbal autism, profound autism, severe autism, whatever term you prefer to use, is viewed as a sad story.

He is not.

Thank you all for being here!

Kate