Summers Can Feel Extra Lonely

Find us. Bring us a plate of food. Maybe even a drink. Include us in the photos.

I want to acknowledge how hard the summer can be when you have a family member with a disability.

It’s important that we talk about it. Share what we need. Let the world know that we are trying but so often we just can’t.

We try. We may fail.

We don’t try. We feel left out. Sad.

It’s hard.

If we do go to the BBQ, beach or party, we are usually near but far.

We wander the perimeter.

We sit in the car.

We hide in a bedroom.

We watch from a distance.

Near but far. Seeing but not being a part of.

For years, even sometimes today, I wished for someone just to wander with me and my son. Walk with us.

A while back my son had a field trip. It was wonderful and I am so proud of him and thankful we went.

But I will say, he never interacted with another child. While the other 125 kids played laser tag, mini golfed, and spent money in the arcade, my husband and I jumped with him in the trampoline and climbed in the play structure.

It was wonderful for us. No sadness at all. Only joy.

But, near but far. In the same building. Not in any way part of the event.

I used to say we were never excluded but not really included either. I feel that still. Often.

And while I know it is what it is, and can’t be changed, I just want to acknowledge it. Talk about it.

Summers are hard for our families.

The subtle differences will scream at us. Often, we will choose to stay home where it’s safe. Or we will venture out, holding our breath.

So, give us grace. Acknowledge us.

Sit with us. Walk with us. Ask how you can help. Know that we are trying so hard to fit into your world.

Find us. Bring us a plate of food. Maybe even a drink. Include us in the photos.

The little things.

We have been living this autism life for fourteen years now. And while SO many things have improved, this one hasn’t. Not yet anyways.

The isolation is the hardest part. And in the summer, when the world is out and about, is when we really feel it.

-Kate

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