Out of the Mouth of Babes

I am their soft place to land.

‘I don’t want to grow up mama. I don’t want to be 12.’

I knew what was coming next. It was one of those moments that I could sense what was going to come out of his mouth next. As if I could read minds.

We were stopped at a stoplight. It was taking forever. I was in a hurry to get home from daycare pickup to start dinner.

I peeked back at him. All of five years old.

Still little.

I could still pick him up.

But no longer a toddler.

My son was a kid. A boy. 5 going on 16.

‘I don’t want to grow up mama. I don’t want to be 12.’

And then before I could speak…

‘I don’t want to get autism like my brother.’

The light was still red.

A dozen responses ran through my head. Instead of saying any of them I just said…

‘Tell me more bud.’

‘When I turn 12, I will stop talking like Cooper. Then I will have autism. I’m scared.’

I listened to him as he shared more.

He asked if I had autism. If dad did too. He asked about his other siblings.

He asked why Cooper doesn’t talk. Why he hits his head sometimes. And why he doesn’t play.

And he asked why Cooper.

A question I have asked a million times.

Why Cooper?

Each question felt like a papercut. Singularly a small sting…all together…pain.

We chatted the rest of the way home.

We talked about being scared. And how that’s okay.
We talked about autism. About being born with a disability.
We talked about how he wouldn’t lose his ability to talk at age 12.

And how he didn’t have autism.

I did my best to listen. To answer questions. But also, not to present autism as something bad. Or to be scared of.

I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to present Cooper and his disability as something sad or bad. It just is.

I don’t know if I did a good job. Harbor didn’t seem all that reassured when I was done. But he was happy to run out the door when I pulled into the driveway.

Off he went. The front door swinging open.

I sat there for a bit. Exhausted.

Parenting is hard.

I remember when my other son Sawyer started asking questions about autism. Many of them are burned into my memory. Most of them leveled me. Feeling much bigger than a papercut.

I don’t always know what I am doing.

My main hope is that I am giving these kids a safe place to ask questions without fear or worry of asking.

I thought about Harbor’s questions as I went to bed last night.

‘When I turn 12, I will stop talking like Cooper. Then I will have autism.’

I wish it was different sometimes. I wish I could fix all the hurt and the worry and the sad for each member of my family. But it doesn’t work like that.

I can’t fix this. Or even change it.

I can just listen and love and encourage and be a soft place to land.

That’s the best I can do.

Thank you for being here with us.

Kate

I had the honor of being a guest on my friend Laurie’s podcast. S5: Episode 162 - Learning to communicate more clearly and overcome our natural instinct as autism parents to live in 'fight or flight' mode in our marriage.

You can listen to this episode and all episodes and seasons via my website or anywhere you listen to podcasts!

Last change to grab a ticket to hear me present in Spring Lake, Michigan on Thursday, November 2nd. Grab a friend and come see me!

Tickets can be purchased at The Shoreline Center LLC:
- in person (16925 Ability Way, Grand Haven)
- via phone with a credit card (616-935-7606)
- via mail with a check made out to The Shoreline Center LLC (16925 Ability Way, Grand Haven, Mi 49417)