Mom, Someday I will Carry my Brother

When my second son Sawyer was three, he asked me if we could go to a fair. I of course said…’yes, but we have to wait until summer.’

Per the usual he said to me…’can my brother Cooper go?’ I told him no.

His face immediately fell. ‘Cooper can’t go with us buddy.’

I went onto explain how the fair will be too scary for him. ‘Too many sounds and people for Cooper.’

He thought about that for a minute and then looked up at me and said….’is that because he has autism?’ And I said ‘yes, Cooper’s autism makes things harder for him, but it also means that you get to do really special things with just your mom and dad.’

He asked again, ‘Can we please bring Cooper? I want my brother to go.’

Again, I said, ‘probably not bud. Cooper would really have a hard time and would probably end up getting really upset.’

And my barely three-year-old looked up at me and said…

’I’m getting bigger mom. And someday I will be able to carry Cooper when we go places, so you don’t have too.’

I just stared at him. A million emotions flooded me. The first one was love. He was so full of love for his brother. He is kind and sweet and smart. At age 3 he understood my struggles at times to care for Cooper. That is pretty amazing.

Then sadness. I'm sad that Sawyer has and shows this undying love for his brother and Cooper doesn’t pay him any attention. I wish Sawyer could have that bond returned to him.

I wish he could have an amazing friendship with his brother. I wish they could ride the Ferris Wheel together and throw darts to pop balloons. I wish they could play.

And the third was straight up fear. Sawyer has no idea the truth behind that statement… ‘someday, I will be able to carry my brother, so you don’t have too.’ Or the responsibility that might actually be put on him to care for his brother after I am gone.

Someday Jamie and I are going to have to actually decide who will take care of Cooper after we are gone. We will have to apply for guardianship. And put it in our will. We will have to pick a person.

Will it be Sawyer? I have no idea. I don't want to think about it. All I know is that Sawyer is the most amazing kid I have ever met. Thoughtful, loving, patient, kind, and so wise beyond his years.

Today these two are 13 and 11. Their love for each other is undeniable. But it’s unique too. It’s a loyalty, a devotion, a respect. And protection for each other.

Cooper thinks Sawyer hung the moon. Sawyer would go to battle for Cooper.

It’s love. Different than I imagined. Greater even.

It’s constantly evolving too.

When parents ask questions about their relationship, I always say…it takes time.

And, it’s worth the wait.

Thank you for being here friends.

My son Cooper is 13 years old, and he has a diagnosis of nonverbal autism. And I think of all the videos I’ve shared over the years; I am most excited about this one.

Every skill we have worked on in his lifetime came out today. From walking to waiting to pushing a cart to following a list to accepting ‘no’ to negotiating for ‘more’ to bagging. And his joy! Oh my goodness his joy is unbelievable. He’s such a happy boy. We had so much fun today.

Today took 13 years to accomplish. I am so proud of my son. If there are parents of younger children watching this, please know it takes time. And so much hard work and love and patience. And it’s all worth it.

I just scheduled three more upcoming zooms for paid subscribers! I’d love to have you join us. My most favorite thing is to chat with folks who get it.

UPCOMING ZOOMS:

• A Messy Marriage

• Incontinence in Older Children

• Managing Family Expectations and Autism

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Together, anything is possible. I know if can feel like you are alone on this journey…you are not.

Kate