Life is About Choice. And I Choose Joy

When my son reached his hardest days, it was time for me to make a change.

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A while back, I was sharing about my life. I was in a small group of people. Some friends. Some acquaintances. None knew of autism. Or my son Cooper.

I spoke of autism and his diagnosis. I explained how he speaks with a computer and a mixture of words, sounds, signs, and movie clips.

I talked about the early morning wake ups. How every morning, before 5 am, my son Cooper touches my face and giggles, letting me know he is awake.

I shared about how he has some words and since I was told numerous times it would be none, some feels like amazing.

I shared how he loves school. He can buckle his seatbelt now. And dress himself. And we are working on making toast.

I shared a bit about his siblings, and how we gather around him. How he is the nucleus of our home. We come and go, to hockey, to playdates, to stores, and he is always waiting for us. He is our home.

Someone asked what kind of autism he has. They always do. They want to know if it’s like Rain Man. They want to know if he has a talent. They want to know if he will live with us forever.

These are typical questions, and I can tell you, they don’t sting nearly as much as they used too.

Please are curious.

See, people wonder. And it’s okay to wonder.

But the other day, a man asked me a question. And it caught me off guard.

He asked me if my life was sad.

‘A son that can’t talk. Your life must be so sad.’

He said a bit more too. But really, truly, I stopped listening.

Because, I knew I had failed. I had failed my son. Because after all of my descriptors of autism, and my sunshine boy, this man thought our life was sad.

And I vowed to do better.

Here is what I want you to know…

Individuals with disabilities have an uphill battle. They have to fight for the things that most of us take for granted.

They fight for a seat. They fight for an invite.

And they are consistently asked to prove their worth.

These individuals, these humans, they need cheerleaders. They need someone to walk alongside them. They need people who see their value and worth. They need fighters.

AND NO ONE ON THIS EARTH WILL FIGHT HARDER FOR YOUR CHILD THAN YOU WILL.

We have to believe in them. We can’t look at their lives with sadness or pity. And we have to only allow people in their lives who will believe in them too.

Because see, gentle reader, I used to be sad. In the beginning. Back before I realized autism was forever. When I looked at my yellow haired four-year-old and thought…if I do more, if I try harder, he will get better.

But by focusing only on the future, the better, a different Cooper even…I was missing the now.

I was missing my son’s life, waiting for it to get better. I was living in this perpetual place of grief, where I told myself, I’ll be happy when he talks, happy when he goes to school, happy when he starts sleeping. There was always a when.

And when Cooper reached his hardest days, it was time for me to make a change. There was no more pretending autism was going away. But the change needed was not for Cooper this time. It was for me.

I could look at my life and be angry. I could have a chip on my shoulder. I could carry on and only focus on what we were missing. But why? Life is about choice. And I choose joy.

I choose to see the beauty and be thankful for what I have been given.

I could meet my son exactly where he was at.

Once you do that, you’ve made it through.

So friend, as we approach this New Year, I want you to think about choice.

Because you are not stuck. You are not trapped. You have a choice in how you look at the hardships, the struggles, the differences.

Choose happy. Choose to find joy and see beauty.

And I promise you, when you do that, your life will change.

Thank you for being here. Thank you for reading and learning and sharing. We appreciate you so much.

Kate

It’s not too late to grab an autographed copy of our book, Forever Boy. Amazon has them for cheaper, but you can get a copy signed by all six of our family members send to your home. How cool is that!?