Is He Happy?

Yesterday was a day. Long. Warm. Good. Busy.

We had two baseball games, t-ball practice, and a medical appointment for Cooper. It was the epitome of juggling and making it work.

After it was over, I watched my two oldest, Sawyer and Cooper, swim for over an hour.

At first, just Cooper wanted to swim.

It’s his most favorite activity ever. He’s a fish in the water.

An autistic adult told me once that being under water is the best therapy ever. Something about the pressure.

He said two words clear as day.

‘S-WWW-I-MMM’ and ‘SSS-AH-EER.’

Swim and Sawyer. Pretty amazing for a kid with a diagnosis of nonspeaking autism.

They had fun. Lots of fun. It was beautiful really.

Later I found myself cooking dinner when Sawyer made his way too me.

He was crying. Which felt strange because he never cries.

His eyes were red. His face blotchy. He didn’t appear hurt. He had been alone in the garage at this point. Tinkering with his bike.

‘I’m sad my brother has autism mama. It’s not fair for him. It’s just not fair.’

I didn’t react right away. I let him talk. Ask questions. He mentioned God. And lost voices. He mentioned being really worried and scared. He said he wishes it could get better. He told me he doesn’t understand.

When I finally spoke, I told him I understood everything he was saying and feeling. Validating his feelings is very important to me. So is giving him a safe space to talk about hard topics.

And then I asked him one question.

‘Is Cooper happy, Sawyer?’