I Have Educational Wounds

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I have educational wounds when it comes to my oldest son.

He is autistic and mostly nonspeaking. He is 14 years old and an eighth grader.

And today he had a field trip to a local bowling alley.

I drove him. I laced up his shoes. I bowled every frame with him. I opened his snack for him. And his juice. I helped him in the bathroom. He negotiated a few items out of the vending machine from me. And then we left.

It was the best outing ever.

And I didn’t cry. Not while there and not on the ride home.

See, often, when I see him around other kids his age I get big feelings. When I hear them talking and see them with friends and moving so effortlessly throughout the world I wonder why. Why him. And it feels unfair.

But not today. Because we were there with his best friend. And the most amazing para.

The four of us bowled. And laughed. We high fived. We hugged. We talked trash about who was going to win.

And we all laughed out loud when Cooper’s ball stopped in the middle of the lane and the attendant had to go get it.

Yes, we were different. We always will be. But we had fun. We had each other. And we were included.

I have educational wounds.

I’ve seen really bad things happen. I’ve fought districts and funding and policies and exclusion. Most of the world doesn’t want to believe that it happens. But it does. And it still takes my breath away at times.

So much so I’m terrified of the phone ringing with a school district phone number. I feel fear and dread before every IEP meeting. Even when they’ve went well for years. The wounds run deep.

And I long for choir concerts, school plays, clubs, dances, and sports.

But not today.

Today healed the edges a bit. Today was such a good day.

I just want to say thank you to those who choose our kids. Who believe in them. Who love them. Thank you. I am so thankful for you.

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Kate