Happy Birthday Mom!

This morning I walked downstairs to my sweet boy sitting on the couch, surrounded by his treasures.

He waved. It was quick though. He was very busy watching his shows. He takes his show watching very serious. Especially on early mornings.

‘Cooper, it’s mom’s birthday today!’ I said.

Now I don’t know what I expected. Not words of course. But a cheer. A smile. A gasp. But nothing. He looked back down. It stung. Like a tiny bee sting or a poke in the side. But the pain is duller these days. It doesn’t take my breath anymore. It’s just enough to take notice.

That’s how it’s changed over the years for me. What used to drop me to my knees now stings. We’ve gotten stronger, he and I.

As I made my coffee, steps away from him, I thought back to being 28, and when I first became a mom. I was such a different woman then. Untouched by autism. Oblivious to the beauty and possibilities in being different. I knew nothing of adversity. Not really.

And then I heard it.

‘Happy birthday mom presents!’

I looked over to see the biggest smile on my sunshine boys face as he pointed to his ear and then to his speech device, nonverbally telling me to listen.

‘Happy birthday mom presents!’

And then he clapped and pointed to me.

I sobbed right there. I couldn’t help it. The happy tears fell from my eyes. He knew. He understood. He just had to find the words and way to tell me.

This is his autism. Complicated, creative, beautiful, and in his own time.

I can say with certainty that this was the best birthday gift I have ever received.

Thanks buddy. I love you.

Today, we shall party! In our own way.

(This is 43.)

I took these photos of us yesterday before his dance.