Finding Balance: Navigating the 4th of July with Autism

The 4th of July is in a few days. A fun, typically outdoor, social, loud, hot holiday. It’s also a holiday that can be very challenging for families like mine. And put a lot of stress on us.

See, our older son struggles with a lot of the parts that make up the fourth. He is scared of fireworks, although he loves to watch them on his iPad. The second he hears one, no matter how far away, he takes off running and hides in our pantry or in our bed. Parties can overwhelm him, unless we host. Most bangs are too loud. Standing around at a BBQ sounds like a terrible idea to him. He’d rather sit home and watch his shows. He doesn’t like the great outdoors all that much. It’s the sun and the heat and the bugs and the dust.

He has no fear of missing out.

But our other three kids love parties. And fireworks and parades. Jamie and I do too. We want to enjoy. We don’t want to spend the holiday alone in the house.

This is the balance I always talk about. Two different worlds. A foot in each. Trying to bridge a gap between the two.

It took a lot of years for us to figure out works for our family. Almost like a complicated algorithm. One stays home. One goes. We switch off. There is zero help on the holidays. I’ll just say it. No one wants to sit inside. They want to have fun. So, we do it. And we do our absolute best for our family.

We make plans knowing we may have to cancel. We host when we can. We educate about autism and the path less traveled.

I think the point is, we can’t force our son to enjoy the ‘norms’ of the world but what we can do is figure out what works for us. And know that it will look a whole lot different than every other family.

Boating as a family and then the oldest home safe before the first firework is shot. It works.

I also want to mention the emotional side of all of this. It’s important to acknowledge it. Because no one did for me in the beginning.

The 4th of July is the loneliest holiday for me. I get so sad being alone inside. And I often grab pity by the hand and take a quick walk. Anger, jealousy, resentment, join us for a bit. I walk with them for a while and wonder if it will be like this when he is 18 and 25 and 40. Will I still be inside? Hidden from the world?

Near but far. That’s how I describe our autism.

Today, I am doing my best to make this week a good one. I have friends and their kids coming over. I am getting s’mores fixings and hotdogs and water balloons.

I am feeling the weight of the holiday but hopeful too. No matter what, I refuse to give up that it will get easier.

I hope everyone has a safe and happy fourth. Whether you are staying home, going out, or doing a combination of both please know, families like mine understand how complicated it can be.

You got this!

Thank you all for being here!

We had an amazing zoom last night. We spoke about travel and then turned to isolation. A new mama joined us who is in the thick of it and I thought about her all night long.

Beginnings are so hard. But she is not alone. We are here!

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We did an interview this week with Mindvalley Book Club, and I am pretty sure it is the best one we’ve ever down. I enjoyed the questions so much! Take a watch!