Autism is not Contagious.

‘It felt like we were contagious Jamie. Like the other parents were nervous about catching what Cooper had.’

As Cooper neared three, we were back to square one, no closer to knowing what was going on with our son, except one big thing had changed. I had found my voice. I realized that in order to get help, and to have my concerns taken seriously, I was going to have to push back. And be loud.

As parents, while we don’t know everything, we do know our children and if something doesn’t feel right, we need to say it and not worry about hurting feelings or stepping on toes. 

Finally, after me vocalizing my concerns nonstop, our pediatrician referred us to Early Intervention for an evaluation and recommended that we start private speech through our local hospital. I made the calls as soon as I got home that day and was excited to learn that a ‘Kindergarten Readiness’ type group was starting the following week at our local school. We could attend while we waited to be evaluated. 

The next week Cooper and I walked into our local school, through the halls and into a happy brightly colored classroom. I quickly scanned the room, looking for dangers and exits, knowing that keeping Cooper in there was going to be my biggest challenge of the day, praying that we would make it twenty minutes. I also knew that while most kids saw the mini slide, tool set and pretend kitchen, my son did not. He immediately went for her computer and keyboard, reaching a hand up to peck at the keys. 

I practically tripped as I dove to save the teacher’s coffee from tipping off her desk. As I worked to redirect him to the musical instruments, I took note of the other parents, all lined up in a row against the wall, knees up, chatting and drinking coffee. It appeared like they all knew each other, old friends even. I felt a twinge of jealousy bringing me back to grade school. I was not one of the cool kids. 

As they sat, I ran. As they drank, I blocked doors. Cooper paced and cased the room, never once playing with toys or taking notice of the teacher singing with her guitar. We eventually landed in the corner; my back pressed up against the glass door to the outside world. I held Cooper in my lap, feeding him goldfish after goldfish, feeling stares from the other parents, until we eventually snuck out before the class was over. 

I held the tears in until Cooper was safely buckled into his car seat and Jamie was on the other end of my phone. 

‘It felt like we were contagious Jamie. Like the other parents were nervous about catching what Cooper had.’

I walked in the next week confident, vowing to make friends and stay the whole entire time. I was armed with double the snacks and a fake smile plastered on my face. Cooper’s success depended on me. That was obvious. I plopped myself down in the middle of the musical instruments and toddlers and let Cooper wander. Jamie reminded me before in a pep talk type fashion that Cooper wasn’t the ‘most difficult’ kid ever. This was a classroom and a teacher who knew three-year-olds. He told me to relax and have fun. 

While I kept one eye on Cooper moving about the room, eventually finding the sand table, I shook Maracas and beat drums with toddlers my son’s age. I felt proud of myself for not crying as they spoke to me. I glanced at the moms in against the wall relaxing thinking... 

‘Sure, I’ll play with your kids. It’s fine. You all rest. Caffeinate up. It’s not like I need it. I haven’t slept in three years but whatever.’ 

Seconds later I heard a woman scream dramatically. I turned to see black dirt smeared down her back in two long streaks. Her fitted t-shirt was white. Her back was not. There was dirt in her hair as well. Cooper was sobbing behind her. She had jumped up and frightened Cooper, who had moved from the sand table to the potted plant in the corner of the room and clearly had wanted to share his love of dirt with this nice lady. 

‘I am so sorry,’ I blurted out. I immediately grabbed gobs of napkins from the snack table and started wiping away at her back. 

We left shortly after and didn’t go back. I told myself it wasn’t the right group for Cooper. That he needed more one-to-one. But honestly, I couldn’t face those women anymore. Their kids were talking and playing together and mine wasn’t. It made me too sad. 

Jamie thought the whole thing was hilarious though. He loved the dirt story and any other ones that involved his son being a rambunctious boy.

I think about that woman from time to time. The one that he rubbed dirt on. She was everything I wasn’t. She was very pretty and put together. Her daughter at the time was very similar to her.

I wonder what her daughter is doing now. She would be 13 just like Cooper.

Sadness. Jealousy. Anger. Wonder. All mixed together in a package. One that I call grief. One that I carry with me. And will forever.

Thank you for being here. And learning with me. If this newsletter resonates with you, you can subscribe. And if you choose a paid version, you can even zoom with me! It’s a lot of fun.

Kate

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The More Than Project, along with Finding Cooper’s Voice and Families Embracing Autism Together, is hosting their third annual Care for the Caregiver Retreat in South Hill, Virgina!

This full day event will include keynote speakers, Carrie Cariello of What Color is Monday, Kate Swenson of Finding Cooper’s Voice, plus breakout sessions by Amanda DeLuca and Mandi Calhoun, on May 31st, 2024, in South Hill, Virgina.

Tickets include light breakfast, lunch, snacks, yoga and mimosa’s, two drink tickets for the afterparty, speakers + breakout sessions, vendor access, book signing/meet & greet, and more.

There will be a limited number of tickets available to attend the VIP party held the night prior on May 30th in South Hill.

This event will be focused on you, the caregiver and helping you learn, make a friend, feel seen, and more. You won’t want to miss this life changing event. We are so excited to get to know you!

Register HERE: Care for the Caregiver Retreat 2024 Tickets, Fri, May 31, 2024 at 8:00 AM | Eventbrite

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In just six days, the paperback version of my book, Forever Boy, will be released. With a bonus chapter! I am so excited to share it with you.

PS. Remember to follow me on Facebook at Finding Cooper’s Voice and visit my website at www.findingcoopersvoice.com. Need a speaker for your next event? Fill out this form. Want to know where I am going to be next? Click HERE.